Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
