for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
