dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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