Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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