Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
