it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
