yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
