is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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