Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
