Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
