Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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