I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
