You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
