Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
