ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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