having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
