All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
