Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
