Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
