Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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