I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
