my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
