Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
