I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
then he tried to convert me to islam
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
