There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
