I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
