I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
