Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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