I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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