I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
