Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
