Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
