3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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