Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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