There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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