I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
