I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
