I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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