dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
