there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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