Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
