just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
