Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
