Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
