u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
