fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
