Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
