Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
People in love make me want to vomit
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's official drugs can't kill me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
