Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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