Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
