Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
