It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
